Part of the PEACE Operating System

When a conflict starts, build the conversation that ends the conflict and restores peace.

Conflict does not resolve itself. Some people avoid conflict, and others run to it without a plan. This tool gives you the framework to build a successful conversation with results, unity, and trust to move forward.

Two ways to build your conversation.

The short path. About ten minutes. You answer a few questions and walk out with a one-page plan and the exact words for your conversation.

The seven steps: 1. The facts. 2. The feeling. 3. Affirm. 4. Confess. 5. Tell. 6. Solution. 7. Your plan.

The full walk. Forty questions. About forty-five minutes. Everything in the short path, plus the four filters, the PEACE walk, and your PEACE Profile. Stop anytime and pick up where you left off.

The seven steps: 1. The facts. 2. The feeling. 3. The cost. 4. The four filters. 5. Responsibility. 6. The PEACE walk. 7. Profile and plan.

Forty is the number of preparation in God's Word. Forty days of rain, forty years in the wilderness, forty days Jesus fasted before He began His ministry. Forty questions before you begin the courageous conversation.

What this tool does not do. It does not decide who is right. It does not resolve the conflict for you. It does not replace HR or your leader. This tool builds the conversation, giving you the words for effective communication.

Add God's Word and prayer to this. A verse and a short prayer at each step. Optional. You do not have to be sure what you believe. Your choice only, and nobody else can see whether you turned this on.

Before you begin

The person you are in conflict with is not your enemy. God's Word says the real fight is a spiritual battle.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

There is an enemy at work in every conflict, and his goals are deception, despair, division, disease, death, and destruction. Jesus said:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

John 10:10 (NIV)

This conversation is you taking back what the thief has been stealing: the relationship, your health, finances, peace of mind, reputation, and team unity.

Private by default. What you type stays on this device. Nobody at your company can read your entries. You can delete them anytime.

Before we start

Real peace protects people first.

One question. Is anyone unsafe in mind, body, spirit, or business right now? Check anything that is true.

Someone has threatened, hit, or physically intimidated someone. Someone has talked about hurting themselves. Someone is being treated badly because of who they are (race, sex, age, religion, disability, national origin, pregnancy, or anything else protected by law). Someone is being pressured for sexual attention or making sexual comments. Someone is being punished for speaking up or reporting a problem. There is a safety hazard, theft, fraud, or something illegal going on. A person under 18 is involved. None of the above. I want to create a conversation to resolve conflict with another person.

Please check at least one box.

Protection

Thank you for telling the truth about this.

This is bigger than a conversation between two people, and you should not carry it alone. Real peace protects people first, and that means a person needs to hear this, not a tool. Here is who to contact.

You are protected when you report. Retaliation for speaking up is not allowed here.

What is recorded: today's date and the category you checked. Not what you typed. This helps your company show it took the report seriously. Whether to make the report is your decision.

Step 1 of 7: the facts

What happened? Write what a camera would have recorded.

Not what you think she / he meant. What was said and done. One or two sentences is enough.

A camera would record	A camera would not record
"He rolled his eyes while I was talking in the meeting."	"He disrespected me."
"She sent the report to the client without my changes."	"She went behind my back."
"He said, 'We don't need babysitting,' in front of the crew."	"He is a bully."
"I asked three times for the numbers and did not get them."	"She does not care about this team."

The camera view

Use her / his name or "you," not "someone." You will be saying this to her / him.

Write what happened or choose from the following categories, then change the details if needed.

Every option starts with "you" because you will be saying this to her / him, not about her / him. Keep it to what a camera would have recorded.

Talking and listening

Respect

Gossip and politics

Promotion, pay, and fairness

Credit and recognition

Follow-through and workload

Decisions and authority

Honesty and trust

Boundaries and time

Customers and the business

How do you know this happened?

I saw or heard this myself Someone told me about this

Now the second column. What did you decide it meant about her / him, or about you?

This is your story, not the facts. It is allowed to be unfair. Nobody will say it out loud.

Please write the camera view first.

Step 1 of 7: the facts

Who is this with, and how do you work together?

First name or role is fine. This stays private. Is this person a he or a she? (optional) The Builder will say "he" or "she" instead of "they."

He She

What is your personality?

Everyone has a main style, and a backup style that shows up under stress. Pick your main style.

Style	Sounds like	Under stress, tends to
Amiable	kind, keeps the peace, hates conflict, slow to say what is needed	go quiet, agree out loud and resent inside, avoid the conversation
Analytical	details, facts, needs time to decide, notices what is wrong	come across critical, over-explain, wait too long for all the facts
Driver	direct, fast, task first, wants results	push too hard, skip feelings, sound harsh, interrupt
Expressive	stories, energy, people first, big picture	talk more than listen, skip details, overpromise, take it personally

Step 1 of 7: the facts

What have you tried so far?

Check all that apply.

Nothing yet. I hinted and hoped {they} would get the message. I told someone else about it instead of {them}. I sent a text or email. I said something in the moment and it went badly. I pulled away and got quiet. I had a real conversation and it did not change anything.

If you checked "told someone else," you are not alone. It is the most common one. That choice is also the one that spreads the conflict instead of ending the conflict. Gossip talks about the person. Courage talks to the person.

Step 1 of 7: the facts

If this conversation goes well, what will be true between the two of you a month from now?

This is about the relationship and the work, not about {them} losing or admitting anything. Nobody wins a courageous conversation. Both people walk out better. Check all that you want, or write your own.

Did I get that right? If not, go back and fix the facts. If yes, keep going.

Step 2 of 7: the feeling

How did this situation make you feel?

Check every word that fits how you felt when this happened with . The words are grouped by the PEACE principle that was missing in that moment. Then pick the strongest one.

Something else?

Which feeling is strongest for you in this situation?

How strong is that feeling right now, in this situation? 5 of 10

An eight or higher usually means today's conflict is carrying something older. We will get to that.

Right now, what do you need most from ?

Your feelings point to one of these. We marked the one your words point to. Check up to three that are true for you, or change the answer.

To feel safe and secure with you. (Protection) To be encouraged, and to hear what I am doing right. (Encouragement) To be included and understood. (Acceptance) To be valued for my work, and to know I am not alone in it. (Contribution) To be heard. (Expression)

Three is the most. If there are more areas, let's address the most important now and save the others for another conversation.

Please pick the strongest feeling.

Step 2 of 7: the feeling

Here is what I want for us.

Three is enough. Uncheck one to pick another.

Your words. Edit anything above, or write your own. This is what will print on your plan and what you will say.

Step 3 of 7: the cost

What is this conflict costing you and the business?

Check what this conflict is costing you and the business right now. Be honest. Nobody sees this but you.

When this conflict weighs on you, where do you turn?

Check what is true. This is about your temple, your body and mind, and nobody sees this but you.

God's Word

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

What we turn to instead of God becomes an idol. An idol temporarily numbs you, blocks your progress and purpose, and can steal your peace, joy, health, relationships, finances, and God's best. Jesus loves you and offers hope, healing, and transformation.

Naming the idol, coming out of hiding, and sharing your sin with a trusted person is the first step to being delivered and healed.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

James 5:16 (NIV)

"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

2 Chronicles 7:14 (NIV)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

Step 4 of 7: the four filters

Filter 1. Past pain: am I projecting?

Sometimes today's conflict is carrying an older one. This is not about blame. It is about seeing clearly.

Who does this person remind you of?

Have you felt this exact feeling before this person came along?

Yes, many times Yes, once or twice No

When {they} did what {they} did, did your reaction fit the size of what happened?

It fit It was bigger I am not sure

God's Word

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)

Step 4 of 7: the four filters

Filter 2. Personality: how I am made, and how {they} {are} madeFilter 2. Personality: how God made me, and how He made {them}

We are not all made the same.God did not make us the same. Everyone has a main style, and a backup style that shows up under stress. Pick your main style, then open "Understand yourself." Understanding how each person is made turns frustration into appreciation.

Style	Sounds like	Under stress I tend to
Amiable	kind, keeps the peace, hates conflict, slow to say what I need	go quiet, agree out loud and resent inside, avoid the conversation
Analytical	details, facts, needs time to decide, notices what is wrong	come across critical, over-explain, wait too long for all the facts
Driver	direct, fast, task first, wants results	push too hard, skip feelings, sound harsh, interrupt
Expressive	stories, energy, people first, big picture	talk more than listen, skip details, overpromise, take it personally

Which fits you best?

Amiable Analytical Driver Expressive

Three more, optional

{They} {are} an introvert. {They} get{s} energy from time alone. Ask: "Do you need some time before we talk about this?" {They} {are} an extrovert. {They} get{s} energy from people. Talk with {them}, not at {them}.

When I usually bring things up, {they} {are} in task mode (in the middle of something) {They} {are} usually in relationship mode (available)

{They} {are} a planner. {They} need{s} the appointment, and time to think it through before we talk. {They} handle{s} things in the moment. Keep it short and get to the point.

God's Word

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

James 1:5 (NIV)

Step 4 of 7: the four filters

Filter 3. Perspective: what might {they} see that I do not?

Be curious instead of certain. Check any of these that might be true. You do not have to be sure. Each one suggests a question you could ask.

Write one sentence the way {they} might tell this story to {their} spouse tonight.

Questions I will ask. Pick up to three.

Ask one question and wait for the whole answer. Do not interrupt. Do not prepare your reply while {they} {are} talking. Repeat back what you heard: "So what you are saying is... Did I get that right?" Then ask the next question.

Your plan carries up to three questions in all, placed right after you ask for {their} side. The ones you pick or write here come first.

Three is enough. Uncheck one to pick another.

Or write your own question.

Reflect

You do not have to agree with {their} side to understand {their} side. Understanding {their} side is what makes the conversation go differently. Your questions will be on your plan.

God's Word

"The purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out."

Proverbs 20:5 (NIV)

"To answer before listening, that is folly and shame."

Proverbs 18:13 (NIV)

Pray before you go: "Lord, show me what You see in this person and in this situation. Give me wisdom and discernment, and a heart of gratitude for the way You created this individual. Help me not to respond from a place of pain, but to see {their} perspective and be open to hearing {their} heart and what may have motivated {them} to make the choices {they} did. Then help me speak the truth in love, with respect and with a solution to move forward, so that we can have greater connection, collaboration, and care for one another, and You can be honored and glorified. In Jesus' name, amen."

Step 4 of 7: the four filters

Filter 4. Pride: do I need to win?

This is the hardest screen. Check anything that is true right now. Nobody sees it but you.

I need to be right about this. I want to win more than I want to fix the relationship. I have been building a case with other people. I have rehearsed this in my head more than once. I have said or thought "you always" or "you never." I think I am better, smarter, or more spiritual than {they} {are}. I am waiting for {them} to go first. I am afraid of finding out I was wrong. I have already decided how this ends.

What is my pride hiding behind?

Pride hides behind other things. Check any that fit, and answer the question honestly in your head.

God's Word

"Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice."

Proverbs 13:10 (NIV)

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

Proverbs 11:2 (NIV)

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

James 4:10 (NIV)

Pray with me

Father, I confess my pride. I have wanted to be right more than I have wanted peace. Where there is strife, there is pride, and I have brought strife. Forgive me. Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. I humble myself before You, and I trust You to lift me up. In Jesus' faithful name I pray. Amen.

Proverbs 13:10; Psalm 139:23-24; James 4:10

Step 5 of 7: my partStep 4 of 7: Confess

Before you name what {they} did, own what you did.

Most breakdowns are not one-sided. Confess your part. Confession is not weakness, and it is not agreement with the other person's behavior. Taking responsibility for what you did to contribute to the breakdown of the relationship takes courage. Check every line that is true.

Add the specifics, if you want (optional)

One line in your own words, said to {them}. Example: "When you interrupted my presentation, I decided you were trying to undermine me, and I never asked you what you intended."

A healthy confession does four things

1. Names the specific behavior	2. Owns the judgment or assumption you made
3. Acknowledges the impact on the relationship	4. Apologizes without adding "but you..."

Two checks for honesty. Denial sounds like "It was not that bad" or "But {they} started it." Exaggeration sounds like "He always does this." If either one is in your story, take it out.

God's Word

"First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Matthew 7:5 (NIV)

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

James 5:16 (NIV)

Confessing your part is the first half of this verse. Praying for the person is the second half. This does not mean you have to pray together. If {they} {are} open to praying together, that is a possibility. Either way, pray for the person you are in conflict with, so the relationship can be healed.

Pray with me

Father, I confess my part in this conflict to You, and I will confess my part to this person. I have been quick to see {their} part and slow to see mine. Forgive me. I pray for this person. Bless {them}, and heal what has been broken between us. You said the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective, so I trust You to work in both of our hearts before we ever sit down. In Jesus' mighty name I pray. Amen.

James 5:16; Matthew 7:5

Check at least one line or add your own. The plan cannot be finished without your part.

Step 6 of 7: the PEACE walk

P: Protection

Love always protects. Real peace protects people first, in mind, body, spirit, and business. Self-protection comes from the amygdala, the part of the brain that tries to prevent harm, and it only offers a false peace.

Instead of getting defensive, bitter, or prideful, what are you trying to protect in yourself before this conversation?

What do you want to protect in {them}?

{Their} dignity in front of others {Their} job {Their} trust in me {Their} name on the team

Is there a boundary you need to say out loud? (optional)

Reflect

You will protect both of you by doing this in private, in person, and by naming the behavior, not the character.

If this person is the opposite gender, protect both of you one step further. Have the conversation during office hours, in a room with the door open, and let someone in leadership know you are meeting with this person. Ask HR what the protocol is for a one-on-one with someone of the opposite gender, and whether a third person should be in the room. This is not about distrust. It protects your reputation, {theirs}, and the company.

God's Word

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

Pray with me

Father God, You are my Protector and Provider. Your love always protects. I bring this conflict to You before I bring it to . Guard my mind from fear and my mouth from harm. Protect {their} heart and mine. Help me establish the goal to protect, so that we both feel safe. Let Your peace, which transcends all understanding, guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. In Jesus' faithful name I pray. Amen.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Philippians 4:7

Step 6 of 7: the PEACE walkStep 3 of 7: Affirm

E: EncouragementA: Affirm that you are for {them}.

Every person is made with real value. Encouragement says it out loud.Every person is made in God's image and carries real value. Encouragement says it out loud.

What do you appreciate about this person? Check up to three.

Not flattery. Things that are true. These open the conversation: "I appreciate that you are..."

What I appreciate about us is that we are created differently, with unique gifts, talents, personalities, perspectives, and experiences that allow us to accomplish great things together.

Add your own, if you want (optional): I appreciate that you...

When did you last tell {them}?

This week This month I cannot remember Never

Reflect

You will open with one of these. People can hear hard things from someone who sees them.

God's Word

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Pray with me

Lord, I praise You that You see the way You see me, with love. Forgive me for keeping a record of what {they} {do} wrong. Help me see what You see. Let no unwholesome talk come out of my mouth, but only what builds {them} up according to {their} needs. Let me do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility value {them}, not looking to my own interests but to {theirs} also. Put true words of encouragement in my mouth. Help me have courage and confidence in Christ to have a productive conversation to bring reconciliation, collaboration, and unity. In Jesus' powerful name I pray. Amen.

Ephesians 4:29; Philippians 2:3-4

Please write at least one honest thing you appreciate.

Step 6 of 7: the PEACE walk

A: Acceptance

Acceptance is not agreement. It is telling the truth about what is real, including your part, and accepting the other person as a work in progress.

Can you accept {them} as a work in progress, the way you need to be accepted?Can you accept {them} as a work in progress, the way God accepts you?

Yes I want to Not yet

Reflect

You are not accepting the behavior. You are accepting the person. That is what makes it possible to say the hard thing without an attack.

Have you ever done or said something you regretted, and the other person extended forgiveness and grace to you?

Yes, I have been forgiven Not that I can remember

Are you able to extend forgiveness to in this situation, whether or not {they} apologize{s}?

Forgiveness is not saying what {they} did was right. Forgiveness is releasing {them} so you can walk in without a debt to collect. You can forgive before {they} apologize{s}, and before the conversation. You do not need anyone else's permission, and you do not need to tell anyone else about the conflict to do it.

Yes, I forgive {them} Not yet

God's Word

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

Jesus forgave from the cross, before anyone asked, while they were still doing the harm.

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Luke 23:34 (NIV)

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

Pray with me

Wise Father in heaven, I praise You for Your wisdom that You give generously when I ask. Help me understand the pain, perspective, and personality of , so that I respond the right way. Forgive me for my pride, which produces disgrace and leads to my destruction. Help me to be humble, so that You can lift me up, and to gain wisdom by being open to advice. Help me accept as a work in progress, because You are not finished with {them} or with me, and You promised to complete the work You began in all of us. Remind me that my struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Let me be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that You desire. Thank You that I am righteous in Your sight because of Jesus. And Lord, I choose to forgive for what {they} did and for what {their} actions caused me to believe about myself and about this situation. Thank You that You forgave me while I was still a sinner, so I can release the people who hurt me, whether {they} meant to or not. I release to You. I will not demand that {they} pay{s} for {their} offenses, known or unknown. I want the best for {them}. Bless {them}, the work of {their} hands, and {their} family. In Jesus' mighty name I pray. Amen.

James 1:5; Proverbs 11:2; Proverbs 16:18; 1 Peter 5:6; Proverbs 13:10; Philippians 1:6; Ephesians 6:12; James 1:19-20; 2 Corinthians 5:21; Romans 5:8; Luke 23:34; Colossians 3:13

Step 6 of 7: the PEACE walkStep 5 of 7: Tell

C: ContributionT: Tell the truth in love.

Contribution is each person doing their part so the whole team wins. It is where the business gets its win back.

What does the business need from the two of you that it is not getting right now?

What effect did {their} behavior have that {they} may not see?

This becomes your "When you..., then..." line. Name the effect on the person, the team, the customer, or the business, not what you believe it says about {their} character. Choose the one that fits best in each area, or write something specific. A behavior often lands in more than one place at once. For example, when a report is late, the customer waits, and a teammate stays late to catch up.

Effect on me

I stopped speaking up in meetings. I stopped bringing my concerns directly to you. I started double-checking decisions with someone else. I had to redo the work. I could not finish my work on time. I was left without the information I needed to move forward. I took it home with me and lost sleep over it. I started wondering whether I should stay.

Effect on someone else on the team

A teammate stopped speaking or contributing. A teammate became quieter in later meetings. A teammate stopped bringing concerns directly to you. A teammate began double-checking decisions with someone else. A teammate had to redo work. A teammate could not complete their work on time. A teammate was left without the information needed to move forward.

One per area. Your newest pick replaced the other one in that area.

Or something specific. The behavior is already written above, so finish only this part: then ...

Step 6 of 7: Solution

S: Solution. Say what you want, ask for {their} ideas, then decide together.

What will you do differently beginning this week, whether or not {they} change{s}?

Choose an action that is specific and within your control. You may choose up to three. This becomes your "Beginning this week, I will..." line.

Three is enough. Uncheck one to pick another.

Or something specific. This replaces the choices above: Beginning this week, I will ...

Going forward, I am asking you to ...

What do you want {them} to do instead? This is {their} part, not yours. Your part is the line above. Pick one.

Or something specific. This replaces the choice above: Going forward, I am asking you to ...

Reflect

Notice your ask is one thing, not a list. One clear ask gets a yes. A list gets a fight.

God's Word

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love."

Galatians 5:13 (NIV)

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV)

Pray with me

Lord, this work is Yours. Whatever I do, let me work at it with all my heart, as working for You and not for human masters, because it is You, Jesus, I am serving. Help me do my part and let go of controlling {theirs}. Show me how to serve humbly in love, without expecting anything in return. Make our work together something that honors You, protects our team, and blesses the people we serve. In Jesus' faithful name I pray. Amen.

Colossians 3:23-24; Galatians 5:13

Pick or write what you will do, and your one ask.

Step 6 of 7: the PEACE walkStep 7 of 7: your conversation

E: ExpressionYour conversation: Affirm, Confess, Tell, Solution

Expression is the courageous conversation, said with truth and kindness. Here it is, built from your own answers, written to , not about . Read each line as if is sitting across from you. Change anything so it sounds like you, and keep it as "you," not "he" or "she."

You can edit every box below

Each box is filled in from your answers. Tap inside any box and change the words where needed, so it sounds like you.

Rebuild these four lines from my answers

Before you go in

Pray first. Surrender this conversation to God, and trust that He will guide and direct it. You do not have to carry the outcome. You only have to be faithful with your part.

Lord, give me a spirit of revelation, wisdom, and discernment to see what You see in this person and how You view this situation. I want to honor You by respecting this person, having a productive and courageous conversation, and building {them} up according to Your Word. You have put this person in my path, so show me what You want to do in me and through me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Open by asking if you can read your notes

It is okay to read this word for word. Reading keeps you on point when your heart is pounding. Ask first, so it does not feel like a speech.

Affirm that you are for {them} Confess your part first Tell the truth in love: "When you (the behavior, not the character), (the consequence {they} cannot see)." Then the question. Solution: say what you want, ask for {their} ideas, then decide together

First, when will you have the conversation?

Pick a day in the next 72 hours. Everything else on this page counts from this day. Private, face to face if you can. Not text. Not email. Not in front of others.

Day

Time

Where

Please pick a day within the next 72 hours.

How I will ask for the meeting

Say what the conversation is about when you ask, so {they} {are} not left guessing. Built from your answers. Change anything so it sounds like you.

God's Word

Jesus says to go first, and to go soon.

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."

Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV)

Then, what you will agree to

A conversation without a decision fades. Put the agreement in words, give it a date, and decide who will know about it. This goes on your plan and into the last lines of the conversation.

Our decision (prefilled from your answers, change anything)

Optional: if something needs to happen by a certain day, put the day here. Leave these blank if the agreement starts right away and has no deadline.

Our agreement will be done by

For example, the day a report is due or a new schedule starts.

We will sit down together again on

A follow-up, if you want one. The day the two of you look at whether the agreement held.

Accountability

Check all that apply.

We will both keep a written copy of what we agreed. We will tell our leader what we agreed. We will tell the team what we agreed, so they can count on it. We will ask someone we both trust to check in with us.

Add something specific (optional)

Read it out loud once

If it sounds like you, you are ready. If {they} push{es} back: nod, hold your tongue, do not defend. Say, "I want to hear you. Can we slow down so I can really listen?" Then listen for the feeling under {their} words. You already know the list.

God's Word

"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."

Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."

Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV)

"All you need to say is simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."

Matthew 5:37 (NIV)

Pray with me

Faithful Father, before I bring my gift to Your altar, I want to be reconciled to . Help me stop putting off what I know I should do, because knowing the good I ought to do and not doing it is sin. Help me put off falsehood and speak the truth in love, so that we grow up and mature in Christ. Go before me and prepare {their} heart. Give me the words to communicate love, grace, and healing. Let my yes be yes and my no be no. Give me courage, not to win, but to be honest and kind at the same time. Let what happens bring real peace. In Jesus' powerful name I pray. Amen.

Matthew 5:23-24; James 4:17; Ephesians 4:15, 25; Matthew 5:37

Pick the day and time of the conversation (within the next 72 hours) in the box above, then build your plan.

Step 7 of 7: your profile and your planStep 7 of 7: your plan

Conversation Plan

Private. Written for me, by me.

Your plan

Want to understand why this one hit so hard? The full walk takes you through the four filters and the PEACE walk, and gives you your PEACE Profile. Your answers are saved, so you will not start over.

You do not go alone.

Add to my calendar

Saved plans stay on this device only. "Send my plan to my email" opens your phone's share sheet or mail app with the plan as text, so you can send the plan to yourself, save the plan in Notes, or print the plan. Nothing is sent anywhere unless you send the plan. The check-in will appear here three days after your conversation date.

Check-in

Did you have the conversation?

Saved

Your plan is saved on this device.

Now go have the conversation. Compromise says wait until it is perfect. Courage says have the honest version. Real peace requires courage.

God's Word

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Romans 12:18 (NIV)

Saved plans

When a conflict starts, build the conversation that ends the conflict and restores peace.

Two ways to build your conversation.

Real peace protects people first.

Thank you for telling the truth about this.

What happened? Write what a camera would have recorded.

How do you know this happened?

Who is this with, and how do you work together?

What is your personality?

When did this happen?

What have you tried so far?

If this conversation goes well, what will be true between the two of you a month from now?

How did this situation make you feel?

Right now, what do you need most from ?

Here is what I want for us.

What is this conflict costing you and the business?

When this conflict weighs on you, where do you turn?

Filter 1. Past pain: am I projecting?

Who does this person remind you of?

Have you felt this exact feeling before this person came along?

When {they} did what {they} did, did your reaction fit the size of what happened?

Which lie feels true in this situation?

Where did this lie come from?

Filter 2. Personality: how I am made, and how {they} {are} madeFilter 2. Personality: how God made me, and how He made {them}

Which fits you best?

Now {them}. Which style fits the other person best?

Three more, optional

Filter 3. Perspective: what might {they} see that I do not?

Questions I will ask. Pick up to three.

Filter 4. Pride: do I need to win?

What is my pride hiding behind?

Before you name what {they} did, own what you did.

A healthy confession does four things

P: Protection

Instead of getting defensive, bitter, or prideful, what are you trying to protect in yourself before this conversation?

What do you want to protect in {them}?

E: EncouragementA: Affirm that you are for {them}.

What do you appreciate about this person? Check up to three.

When did you last tell {them}?

A: Acceptance

Can you accept {them} as a work in progress, the way you need to be accepted?Can you accept {them} as a work in progress, the way God accepts you?

Have you ever done or said something you regretted, and the other person extended forgiveness and grace to you?

Are you able to extend forgiveness to in this situation, whether or not {they} apologize{s}?

C: ContributionT: Tell the truth in love.

What does the business need from the two of you that it is not getting right now?

What effect did {their} behavior have that {they} may not see?

Effect on me

Effect on someone else on the team

Effect on the team

Effect on the business or customer

S: Solution. Say what you want, ask for {their} ideas, then decide together.

What will you do differently beginning this week, whether or not {they} change{s}?

What is one thing you will ask {them} to own?

What did it cause? Check up to two.

Going forward, I am asking you to ...

Steward check (optional)

E: ExpressionYour conversation: Affirm, Confess, Tell, Solution

First, when will you have the conversation?

Then, what you will agree to

Accountability

Your plan

Did you have the conversation?

Your plan is saved on this device.

Before you go, a word about your privacy.

Want to live this every day?

Your plans

It sounds like this might be more than a conflict.

Who is the designated human?